


The Talk

by Anna (Anna_64386925)



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Friendship, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, It's all Gaius' fault, M/M, The Talk, Uther's A+ Parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 14:34:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7109404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anna_64386925/pseuds/Anna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the KMM37 prompt: "Arthur/Merlin, first failed attempt at sex."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Talk

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted as a fill for this lovely prompt over at Kink Me, Merlin #37: http://kinkme-merlin.livejournal.com/36623.html?thread=41883407#t41883407
> 
> "Arthur/Merlin, canon era
> 
> I'd like something based on the first failed attempt at sex from London Spy.
> 
> I want something where Arthur doesn't understand the ins and outs of anal sex, and Merlin discovers that Arthur's a virgin because "the body is tense when it should be relaxed, and it hurts when it should be fun, and it’s dirty when it should be clean."
> 
> And then Merlin pours him a bath, washes him, calms him, and maybe they talk about how anal sex works (making sure you're empty and clean, that it doesn't have to hurt, the importance of lube, etc) before they attempt again. What I really want is the sex fail and Merlin being gentle and caring and them talking about sex, you don't need to include a second "perfect" sex scene.
> 
> Or Arthur could have failed sex with someone else, and Merlin is the one who helps him afterwards (being Arthur's servant and friend)."
> 
>  **Warnings** for implied violence and unsafe sexual practices.

There's a crash as Arthur storms into the room, his chamber doors slamming shut and echoing behind him.

"Sire...?" Merlin asks cautiously. This seems like one of those times when Arthur is going to be sticky about titles.

"Leave, Merlin." Arthur's face is flushed, and his chest is heaving. Merlin catches sight of a bruise on his lip before Arthur jerks his tunic up over his face.

"Sire, allow me to help you," Merlin says hurriedly, coming forward to loosen the laces on the back of Arthur's tunic.

"Shut up, Merlin! Go!" Arthur swats at Merlin's hands and then holds him by the shoulders, forcibly turning him towards the door. "Leave me alone!"

"Arthur...?" 

Merlin stops in his tracks. Bile rises up in his throat.

The back of Arthur's leggings are stained black and tacky with blood.

"Arthur, what happened?" Merlin comes forward now and takes Arthur's arm, gently lowering the tunic over his head and using the dirty garment to wipe sweat and - were those tears? - from Arthur's cheeks. 

"Get out of here," Arthur says again but without heat, and he doesn't flinch when Merlin wipes more moisture from his face. 

"Arthur," Merlin soothes his arm compassionately. "Arthur, tell me what happened."

"Nothing." Arthur turns away and begins undressing. "Draw me a bath, since you insist on being here."

Merlin immediately turns to obey.

The leggings get balled up in a pile on the floor with the tunic, and Merlin resists the urge to burn them with magic. He waits until Arthur's safely in the tub before speaking.

"Sire..." Merlin begins, rubbing soap into Arthur's hair. Arthur has his eyes closed, head thrown back against the side of the tub.

"Mmm."

"Sire, did someone do this to you?"

Arthur opens his eyes. "I told you to leave it, Merlin."

"But Arthur, if someone's hurt you -"

"No one hurt me."

"Someone must have! And that's not right, you wouldn't stand for anyone doing this to me or Gwen or anyone else you care about and we're just servants, Arthur, you're the crown prince!"

Arthur flinches. "Merlin, no one did anything to wrong me. I asked for this."

Merlin stops washing for a second. "Just because you ask for something doesn't give someone else the right to hurt you."

"That's the nature of the beast, Merlin." Arthur tries to look casual, but he doesn't quite meet Merlin's eyes.

"Bollocks," Merlin says before he can stop himself. Arthur looks up quickly.

"And what would you know about it, _Mer_ lin?" Arthur asks, sneering. "I bet you've never even kissed a maiden, let alone been man enough to take it up the arse!"

"Arth-"

"You think I'm a coward? A pussy? I know what I am, and I refused to be ashamed of myself just because I can appreciate the beauty in a man's stride, in the way his muscles move when he swings a sword, in the hard steel of a warrior's gaze or his strength when he swings a mace. I'm not ashamed, and I am not apologizing for who I am!"

Merlin raises one eyebrow. "That's quite a speech."

"Yes, well," Arthur looks at the bath water sloshed on the floor around the tub. "I meant it."

"I agree with you, you know." 

Arthur looks up.

"I mean, not just about not being ashamed, although I agree with that too - but about the beauty. In, um, how did you put it? The 'steel of a warrior's gaze'?"

"Shut up," Arthur says, halfheartedly flicking water at Merlin's nose. "Really?"

"Oh, yeah," Merlin says enthusiastically. "You can ask Gwaine, if you don't believe me. We had some right good times, we did, after that pub fight of yours."

"You and Gwaine-? Really?" Arthur looks a little lost. "Huh. I thought he had a thing for Guinevere."

"Oh, he does, of course, but he's never been one to limit himself, our Gwaine." Merlin grins cheekily.

"Then why did you say -"

"Ah." Merlin's brow knits. "It's not supposed to hurt, Arthur."

Arthur looks shocked. "What do you mean?"

"I mean it's not supposed to hurt. When you take it up the arse." Merlin clarifies, his heart breaking a little at the utterly bewildered expression on Arthur's face.

"Merlin, I know I'm not much of a physician, but I do know that a man's - well, that men weren't made to take other men's swords."

Merlin tries to disguise his laughter as a cough. Arthur isn't fooled.

"Women have scabbards. Men have swords. When a man's sword enters a woman's scabbard, she is then opened and can then bear him children. Men don't have scabbards."

Merlin almost chokes at the lack of information Arthur's been working with. "Did the King tell you that?"

"No, _Mer_ lin, Gaius told me that." This time Merlin does choke. He's never letting Gaius live this down.

"Look, Arthur," Merlin says, deciding to set this right once and for all. "It's true that women have, um, scabbards. And men have swords. But that doesn't mean that it has to hurt every time a man puts his sword, um-"

"For god's sake, Merlin, get on with it."

"Right, um, well, as long as your partner prepares you properly, sex isn't supposed to hurt."

Arthur blinks. "That wasn't sex. Only men and women can have sex."

Merlin resists the urge to drown himself in Arthur's bathwater.

\--

"Okay," Merlin begins.

Arthur's finally clean, dry, and dressed in his nightshirt. He's holding a cup of hot cider from the kitchens. Merlin has put off this conversation for as long as humanely possible.

"Okay," Merlin says again.

"Get on with it, Merlin," Arthur says, blushing a little. He ducks his head down to stare at the hot cider.

"All right, well," Merlin clears his throat again. "When a man loves another man -"

"Just to get to the part about preparation," Arthur grits out. "Before I chuck this cider at your head."

"Right, well, when a man has sex with a woman, he's the sword, yeah? And she's the scabbard."

"Yes..." Arthur says slowly.

"Well, when two men are together, one of them has to act like the scabbard, right?"

"Yes," Arthur agrees again.

"So, to make it, um, easier, the man - sorry, the sword, he, um, he opens the scabbard with oil and his fingers and things. To make things looser. And easier."

Arthur looks like the sun is finally breaking over the horizon. "That's all?"

"That's all. And, um, it helps if the scabbard makes sure that he's, um, clean and stuff."

"I'm not dirty, Merlin," Arthur grumbles. "You should know, you bathe me."

Merlin knows his face must be flaming red by now and gives up trying not to blush. "That's not what I mean, Arthur."

"Then what do you mean, Merlin?"

"Look, mate, just make sure you haven't eaten anything too recently alright?" Merlin bursts out.

"Oh my - Merlin! That's disgusting!"

"Well you asked! You're the one who insisted on this bloody tutelage -"

"You were laughing at me!"

"Because you're a bleeding virgin who doesn't know a cock from a sword - a real sword!"

Arthur stands up, hands balled into fists. "If you were a knight, I'd duel you to the death for that."

"Well, bully for me that I'm not a knight, then!" Merlin shouts back. "My Lord."

Merlin steps back, feeling rather ashamed of himself. It's not Arthur's fault that this is awkward, and really, if Merlin doesn't help him, who will?

"I'm sorry, Your Highness" Merlin says, kneeling formally. "That was uncalled for."

"You're right, it was." Arthur still has his arms crossed over his chest. "Apology accepted," he allows, rather grudgingly.

Merlin nods, but doesn't get up.

"I'm -" Arthur swallows, and looks away. "I'm very grateful for your friendship, Merlin. There aren't many - there aren't many I could ask for this."

Merlin feels himself blush again. "You're welcome, your highness."

"Now for god's sake, get up Merlin!" Arthur grabs Merlin by the collar and hauls him to his feet. "Prepare my hot water bottle. And wash these clothes! Why hasn't the tub been emptied yet? Merlin!"

\--

Several hours later Merlin returns to Gaius' chambers, covered in dust, grime, and still damp from the remnants of Arthur's bathwater.

"Ah, Merlin," Gaius turns away from the fire, where a kettle of soup is steaming over the hearth. "I wondered when you'd come in. Have some soup."

"You!" Merlin holds up a finger under Gaius' nose, glaring bloody murder at the old physician. "You!"

"Merlin?" Gaius blinks in surprise. "Everything all right?"

"You!" Merlin stomps off towards the small wash basin in his room and slams the door.

Gaius looks after him in puzzlement, then shrugs and shakes his head. "I see taking care of Arthur is still a full time job..."


End file.
